There's a Whole in My Life [A Short Story]

10:51 PM. Just a note or two before I drift off to sleep. I wish there was some meaningful way of summing up the experiences of the last few weeks. There have been the plateaus and then the pits. There have been the moments of fulfillment and the jagged collisions with emptiness. I want so bad to see the future become the present and to see these dreams of writing come to fruition, but there is still so much that scares me about this path that I have chosen. It is a very lonely one and if there is something that torments my spirit its the thoughts of being forever alone.

I saw Patricia today, had lunch, talked about her trip to Europe, held her emotionally at arms length. A mutual female friend told me that I should give the friendship with Patricia some time. Easily the words come to one who has more attention and affection than she can deal with. You know that’s the thing that I miss the most, those moments of affection. Not that that was going to spontaneously happen over lunch with Patricia.

I had a good conversation with another cutie, Eileen, last week. Asked her out to the movies for Friday. She declined because she was busy and because she said she’d feel awkward going out with me in view of the fact that she’s my ex’s best friend. Something in her reaction to me asking her out, even though her response was “no,” still made me feel good. I told her that after getting a similar answer from another woman my ego was in need of the company of an attractive intelligent woman, just for the moment of satisfaction. Anyway Eileen took it as the compliment that it was meant to be and we all felt better about it afterwards. It was a nice conversation. Too bad it’s all bond up in the specter of unavailability. Oh well, I was just looking for some company and affection. Yeah, there’s a hole in my life—but I’m not about to fill it for the sake of being full. JBB

Sources:

There’s a Whole in My Life [A Short Story] by Joseph Bruce Bustillos (2025-08-11), https://josephbrucebustillos.com/2025/08/theres-a-whole-in-my-life-a-short-story/
Image by “Hole in my Life” Dark Board by Joe Bustillos (2025-06-29), https://josephbrucebustillos.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Not-Full-By-Choice-no-attribution.png

Tags: alone, Joe bustillos short stories, no love life, sex and the single brain cell, short stories